Lady of the Library

Imagine that you have been invited into the library of a very important person. One who is renowned for her collection of great books, covering many genres and spanning a gathering of treasures from across the globe. You have been invited to see her collection, a rare privilege not easily granted. You marvel at the covers and titles, and the warmth whiff of well- loved books bring a smile to your face. You are standing in a sacred space. A world of wonder, ideas and possibilities tucked within the pages of every single book in front of you. Then, something unexpected begins to slowly unravel.

Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

The Lady of the Library steps graciously forward and motions you to come closer. She invites you to pick any book in her library as a gift to take home. You are surprised, delighted and overwhelmed at the same time.

One book… One book alone… What will it be?

Will it be the how to book about cooking? Adventures of a young boy? All you need to know about South Africa? A travelers guide to America? The science of bees? The encyclopedia of history?

Aha! You remember that you have just received a visa to travel, so surely a guide book is what is needed?
Information. Yes! Good reliable information to make you a well-informed and independent traveler.

You go back to the expansive bookshelf in search for all the information travel books that caught your eye a minute back. Sadly, to your frustration they are no longer there. You cannot find them. It is as though they have simply faded into the background and try as you may, you cannot take a hold of them.

In the midst of your frustration, the gracious Lady of the Library steps in next to you and draws your attention to all the adventure books that you had been overlooking. “Adventures of …..”this one” and adventures of “that one”.

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

Novels and Stories that have no index page or reference at the end. Pages with words that will demand your heart and pursue your imagination. Pages that will draw you into mystery, wonder and many unexpected bends. Pages that will captivate your heart and ignite hope and meaning. Pages you will be shaped by and never leave you the same. Pages you cannot control, predict or manipulate. Pages whose words are meant to live with you forever.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

With this new found boldness and clarity, you reach out to a book right in front of you. You let go of all the other options available to you and you embrace the simple invitation to pick a story, something you can live in for a while. Something that will frame your thoughts and remind your heart that to live and simply be.

Wonder, discovery, hope, freedom and wisdom are stories for this season.

You realize that you do not need the guide book after all. This adventure already has a tour guide, trusted and with more experienced than you. The One who loves to lead and knows all there is to know about everything. The One who holds every word together in their proper place and has the breath to make things come alive. Your place is to choose wisely, read with clear lenses, and yield to restful places. Your invitation from the Lady of the Library is come and discover the beauty of living words, carved out by the Author, just for you.

To Tell You The Truth

Let me tell you the truth about my life. Let’s just set the record straight! There is not an inch of my life that is held together by the strength of my hands or the brilliance of my own genius. Seriously. You will find amazingly capable , smart and “got-my-act-together” kind if people. This girl right here, is not one of those people. The truth is, every morning when I wake up, I find to my utter shock and surprise, that this person who calls Himself the Way, the Truth and Life, is right there, already waiting for my eyes open. He pulls me out of slumber into the unmistakeable light of His presence. I know. It boggles my mind all the time too.

I am a regular girl just like you. I have dreams bigger than my shoes. I love my home. But I hate dishes and ironing. I love pretty earrings and I smile when my daughter picks out nail polish colors for me. I am nowhere near perfect and now that I have hit my forties, that’s actually becoming Ok with me. I don’t come from a wealthy home, and for a very long time , I believed that I never got the stuff that successful- life-making is made of.

High school was the turning point for me…I remember clearly sitting under a tree at a christian camp, clarity filling my heart, and responding to the tiny light of faith to follow Jesus. But for a longtime, I felt like I was doing all the chasing. I was always so afraid. I believed with all my heart that Jesus was the missing link that I had always searched and longed for, but I was not always convinced that He liked me enough to stay. To stay and be close in that “I-think-the-world-of-you” kind of way. I thought that maybe one day He would also . . . LEAVE?

Aah…. BUT this morning, as I scan the entire span of my life, howbeit a bit fuzzy here and there, I can see so clearly how Jesus, has moved from the curious hero of my bible stories to my best and closest friend. He really meant it when He said He will never leave us, or forget or forsake us. I know there have been times in my life when this simple truth has been quite murky, but He has really taken the time to remove all the lies and fill all those empty dying spaces. I am utterly amazed that He is still here! That I belong to him! And that an ordinary girl like me, has kick-ass wings to fly!

I am a girl held together by so much life and grace and beauty and none of it is held together by me. I can close my eyes in the midst of the challenging and passing seasons; the mundane and the awe- inspiring; the hopes and dreams awaiting; and all the unknowns spaces in-between.
I can B R E A T H E……in that real deep kind of way. I am grateful. I am blessed. Jesus is my life and I have found my place in Him. This is the truth about me!

” I will give you Fullness of Life in the emptiest of places”

5 Things I Hate About Being a Stay-at-home Mom!

I have a love/hate relationship with being a stay-at-home mom and I am not ashamed to say it! Don’t get me wrong! I love love love….love my family and a fully own my decision to invest the biggest chunk of my time as a woman, into creating a beautiful, restful and life-giving space called HOME. But let’s be honest, far too often, MOST of my days at home are very far from beautiful and restful. They are more like draining, noisy and imperfect.

Being a stay-at-home mom has brought up more insecurities than any other aspect of my life. On top of all this, I am one of those “crazy” ones who willingly add homeschooling to their already loaded stack of juggling hats. Really?

Why is this stay-at-home gig such an AMAZING and ANNOYING reality all at the same time? Why do I feel on one hand, so blessed to be raising the leaders of tomorrow, but on the other feel stuck and stretched behind the four walls of laundry, meals, conflict mediation, debriefing the hurt child, folding more laundry, homeschooling, and the endless interruptions and questions, and DEMANDS from EVERYBODY…….?! Aaaah that feels better, just had to get that off my chest!

Here are my current 5 reasons, why being a stay-at-home moms sucks big time!

  1. The stay-at-home mom receives zero compensation or raises for all her hard work. I seriously think that if I was paid a hefty income for my labour of love at home, I would feel so much better. That immediate acknowledge that I am doing something important is so missing in this equation. I need to talk to my husband about this.
  2. The stay-at-home mom is always disturbed when she trying to have alone time or write a blog (LIKE WHAT HAPPENED JUST NOW!). You have to jump through so many hoops to have a me-space. Someone should start a “Mommy Me-Space” service that acts as your own personal assistant. It sends fancy formal notifications to your entire family letting them know the blocks of time you ARE NOT AVAILABLE.
  3. Most woman-of-the-year awards are not given to stay-at-home moms because we don’t exactly fit the mold of the successful woman, who can have it all. The career, the husband, the kids, the Marie Kondo home and still sexy as ever with her gym-chiseled body and kick-ass go-getter personality. I mean there is no masters degree to be acquired before taking up our position as “domestic practitioner” and no platform really celebrates the efforts from our sometimes very hidden lives. Can we start getting awards at the end of a long difficult year please?
  4. African stay-at-home mom especially amongst educated middle-class African communities are viewed as either lazy or very rich…but mostly lazy. Too lazy to work or too spoiled to work. I have heard it all. Most African families place a high value for their girls getting an education. And the best marriage partner that everyone is looking for is the professional with a high earning potential. The two become a team to be reckoned with so that their kids can have a better life and attend fab schools paid for by two working parents. Most of the time my decision to stay-at-home is not celebrated as a display of intelligent thinking, but a mere curiosity at best. The last time I met a fellow Ghanaian who homeschools as well, we became instant friends because we could relate to the lonely path that being a stay-at-home and homeschooling mom can feel like.
  5. Stay-at-home moms stare so long into the eyes of their children everyday and are with them all the time that honestly the comfort of our constant and familiar presence with our kids can easily breed contempt. You know the disregard for your sense of being and existence and the disrespect that can easily creep in. Eish! The constant setting of boundaries and gentle dismantling of the idea that our lives revolves around our kids . I totally hate this feeling and it is my prayer that although I fully embrace and celebrate my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, I hope that my daughter especially will not look down on me for it.

Did you see the picture I pinned at the beginning of this blog post? If you didn’t, go back and take a look at the serenity that I am exuding in that picture and the stillness that seems to wrap itself around me. That picture is a wonderful example of the calm before the storm for the stay-at-home mom. Because right after that wonderful photoshoot of our “perfect family” I was right back into the unglamorous life of feeding, and cleaning for the arrival of quests to our home and mediating yet another squabble between the kids about who gets to do what.

Right now, it’s late. I have been writing this blog for a while and I know that although my kids are now fast asleep, my husband is waiting upstairs for me …..:)

I will be waiting for my award in the mail…….!

His Presence At Bloomingdale Court

To be known and loved, is to be full. To be full is to be content.

I am sitting here in my bed on a snowy day. I feel cocooned and wrapped in tight like a baby swaddled in a blanket. I feel a sense of joy, the deep quiet kind of joy that cannot be tagged with a particular event, moment, or selfie, but rather the kind that has a steady flow like a still brook gathering its waters into a mighty waterfall. I am learning to let go and receive the love of my Heavenly Father, and I am soaking it all in. This has been my journey since we arrived here on Valentine’s Day, three years ago.

Sometimes God takes us away to far away places, away from the familiar, away from comfort and away from the safety and security of people we are known by and submerges us into the unknown, just so He can show up all by Himself and win us all over again back to Himself, back to the place where we find contentment with only Him. Three years of living in the US, has been three years of just that.

”Come Away with me, my beautiful one”.

All the memories we are making here, all the people we are meeting, all the experiences and perspectives we are being enriched by, does not compare to the absolute joy of discovering more of the depth of the love of God and just how close He is to us and the daily overflow of His grace to us.

I remember three years ago, stepping into our new home on Bloomingdale Court, and feeling overwhelmed and pulled apart, excited but stripped, with a hope in our hearts but with uncertainties on every side. Stepping into this new atmosphere, the air felt different and unfamiliar. The home we left in South Africa held many fortified victories and well- cultivated memories of God’s faithfulness. Every room and every corner was a reminder of the renovating work of the Holy Spirit in our family. As a woman, who is a stay-at-home mom, restfulhomemaker, my new domain felt unfamiliar, empty, and cold. It needed new life and new deep breaths and I knew I could not provide for the new demands that our new life required. Cultivating life at home is only possible when the LifeGiver steps into the room. I knew that God had promised never to leave nor forsake us, but to be honest, I had lost my bearings in the stress of the transition and I was desperate to find my feet on solid ground again.

One night in my empty living room, I stood within the echoes of the four strange walls and I reached for the only tool I knew well. I steadied my heart to worship. I prayed and sang, and prayed and sang. Each spoken word, a sound and a desperate cry for the promise of His Presence to come close. I sought the peace that surpasses all understanding. I sought the breath that I knew would free my heavy-burdened heart. I yearned to connect with the Father’s heart. I wanted the one thing that I knew would change everything: His Presence in my new world. His Presence with us at Bloomingdale Court.

All of a sudden in that dark, still, empty space…..LIGHT CAME!

You don’t give yourself in pieces You don’t hide yourself to tease us (Pieces by Amanda Cook)

He came. Jesus walked into that space in Bloomingdale Court, and I took a good deep breath again.

He stepped into my new world, my new space, my new home, and He filled my heart…… with Himself.

Aaaah….deep, deep, deep breathing again. I found my breath again. And I knew that everything was going to be more than okay. I knew that He would give us fullness of life inte emptiest of places. I knew that life had come to Bloomingdale Court.

This was exactly three years ago, and since then I have enjoyed discovering that He answered that prayer that night, not only because it was the cry of my heart; no, He answered because that prayer was exactly what was burning on His heart as well. The one thing He desired was to simply be with me. To be known and loved by Him.

And today, here I am, sitting with showers of snow falling all around me, thinking about how much He has pursued me, how much he catches and holds all our memories in His hands, how much He sees more in us than what my social media profile can reveal, and how much value and worth He has restored in me, simply by choosing to be with me, Every. Single. Day.

I’m content with You, my heart is filled by You.

The Gift That Came to Stay

selective focus photography of gift box on brown wooden surface

The moment when peace walks into a room and love completely wraps around you, steadying your world and bringing fullness into all those cold and empty spaces. That is the moment when the divine steps into the futility of your best attempt at doing this thing called life; and although you may unravel, the surrender of the old into freedom of the new, ignites the core of your being and makes you come alive. This has been my story and my journey of knowing and loving the Savior, the Christ who was born in Bethlehem.

art blurred blurry bokeh
And there was light!

There have been many great and memorable moments in my life. The day I married the love of my life and my best friend and the day each of my three children lay for the first time in my arms. But I have to be honest and say that the day I decided to give my heart completely to the Savior Jesus did not come in the form of a single remarkable moment.

It began when I was just five, and it culminated in high school, when the clarity and inescapable truth of having been pursued all along by Him, led me to surrender. There was nothing too spectacular about that moment. I sat on a bench under a tree, and wrote a letter to God, who although I did not see, I believed knew me and I believed came for my heart to be His. In my letter, I spoke my response to deep down, unshakeable realization that this massive and spectacular God of the universe, shaped and formed me  and was stepping into my world, if I would only answer the door.

” For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life”, John 3:16. 

As the years have rolled on by, the reality of this decision has become the essence of my beautiful life.  I wake  in the morning to find Him still here. My surprise and relief reminds me that my faith is a journey of learning to trust that He is the gift that came to stay and will never go away. I have been a tough nut to crack, because too much pain and disappointment can rob you of the innocence of simply believing that you are loved. So despite all my resistances, He has continued to relentlessly pursue my heart.  He is here, day after day, right where He said he would be. By my side and never leaving. Even on my worst days and my not so glorious and unremarkable moments., He stays. Yes! He stays! He is the gift that came to stay.

christmas scrabbles bokeh photography